A small late night chatter between blogs

思绪不断阻挡着回忆播放
盲目的追寻仍然空空荡荡
灰蒙蒙的夜晚睡意又不知躲到哪去
一转身孤单已躺在身旁

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just the other day i went to look at the list of posts in my old blog. and discovered that while it had been updated with the various everyday life incidents and thoughts i had since 2003, there was some posts which i drafted but never posted them up at all, despite having decided to blog them down and post it on my blog. I guess i just gave up on it coz no one was reading my blog then, not that i do want ppl to read it, still, i wanted some ppl to read those 3 particular posts.

that 3 post that speaks a lot of my.........well. love life. the 1st half of my love life. sort of. in summary.

given my personality and character(and after that incident in pri sch which scarred me with the harsh reality of girl-reject- guy-and-guy-screw-himself-up-with-stupidity-actions), it would have been miraculous that i managed to noe some girls despite going to a boys' school.

i found out that miracles do happen on earth.

however, the miracle ended up being perfect ingredients for a destined path of self destruction for me. due to mis-informed information, self-delusions and highly fairy-taled fantasy thoughts, i ended up becoming one of the most pathetic homosapien in dealing with the opposite sex.


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it had really occured to me that i could never ever interact with a girl ard my age the normal way other guys are enjoying. to them its natural. its part of their lives. its just a social norm. to me its a fairy tale.

thus refering back to some posts back in this new blog. i was really very surprised(pleasantly) and happy that i finally met a gal i can be myself. and interact quite well(given my standards) with her and around her. well, despite having a poor and rather, horrendous beginning.

last week, after a couple of meeting ups with Eileen. i came home and suddenly wondered when was the last time i had been on a 'close' relations with a girl like me and Eileen now. yes, i noe its nowhere near to close, but given my past records, its like a freaking Guiness World Record being broken since eons. Anyway i've digressed. One gal floated into my mind.

the girl who really could have been a very close and good frend to me. whom i met in cjc. Claire Tan Shujuan. a nice, bubbly gal. i guess she was the closest to being wat i can call a female buddy to me then. despite being in different class, and knowing her thru my sec sch frends, i was more closer to her than with anyone else in my class, heck, the whole school. and there was this period of time i considered wooing her. but out of consideration of my frend who's attracted to her, i willingly drop out of the 'race'. well, ended up she got hitched with another classmate of hers, and since i got this damn weird notion that i musn't get close with gals who are attached, therefore i gotten myself distant from her. well. so ends the potential close female frendship i have, and thus scoring zero on the total counts of female close frends i have.


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Should i repost the 3 drafts which was intended to be posted but never did?
i had them transfered over to the new blog though, saved as drafts.

Repost the story, so that i can finally get it over and done with.



Over and done with.


Ending the past chapter once and for all.

Turn over the page and start with a blank page.

For a new chapter.

With a different ending to the chapter.


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想回到过去
试着抱你在怀里
羞怯的脸带有一点稚气
想看你的看的世界
想在你梦的画面
只要靠在一起就能感觉甜蜜
想回到过去
试着让故事继续
至少不再让你离我而去
分散时间的注意
这次会抱得更紧
这样挽留不知还来不来得及
想回到过去