They always say you will feel better after crying it out.


刚刚在佛菩萨面前哭了一阵。其实也不算哭吧。毕竟没有眼泪，怎么算是哭呢？
泪水往心里流罢了。这不是哭吧。


That's why I never feel better.
Because I swallowed everything back in.

心里流泪。心中流血。哪个比较痛呢？

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4.20am. 我又失眠了。也好。这样我可能会早死。我的内力已经所剩无几，已经没得补回元气。生命力开始减弱了。

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从来没有对任何人说过，其实我想过写一部小说。一部现代背景的武侠小说。主角是一个百年难见的一个不世奇才。 年纪轻轻就成了天下武林神话之一的人物。哈哈。很好笑吧。其实这小说已经在我的心里酝酿了10年了。只是没有把它写出来。因为它只是一个让我能够在里面成为梦想成真的世界。

主角10岁习武，1年内练成了能纵横武林的一套武功。行侠仗义，救了不少人，帮了不少事。成为武林中正义的代表。也成了武林中的神话。可是15岁那年，神话因为爱情而隐退武林，从此在武林中消声匿迹。不过因为找到了真正爱着的女孩子而暗中保护着她。最后为了她重出武林，锋芒再露。

你知道吗？这个主角神话啊，他最厉害的地方是什么吗？不是他所练成了无上的内功心法，也不是他身负十几种一一能够纵横天下的武功。而是他是个至情至性的人。所有的武功都是他内心有感而发的。爱情相传是天下间最伟大最强的力量。他，就是从爱情中得到无敌的力量。

可惜，因为他为了能和心爱的人过普通人的生活，他隐退武林，隐瞒了他在武林中至高无上的地位，成了一个普通的人。可惜，10年的普通生活，他看到他所爱的人一一地爱上其他男生。心里所受的创伤越来越多。武功也出现了越大的缺陷。人，也越来越消沉，绝望。尽管他在心爱的人面前总是那样坚强，但是他的内心世界已经是一座废墟了。

所以，你觉得，我应该不应该让这个主角死去？伤心欲绝，走火入魔而死。 这部小说也就在这里结束。


我，应该不应该让这位盖世英雄死去？

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Tonight I remembered about Huiling. How I advised her to go ahead with her feelings and try to give her classmate a chance. Even though I really liked her then. 大笨蛋一个？还是烂好人一个？Ended up she got together with him, 1 month before I reveal my feelings to Huiling. I became a walking zombie for several months. In fact, that very day she told me, I seem to turn into a body with no soul inside. If L4D was created that time, I would most probably be shot dead the moment I parted with Huiling. Boon can vouch for it. I was really a walking zombie that day.

2 years ago, the same thing happened again. Not to the same girl, but Penny. Yes, I'm not so close to Penny as to suddenly discuss personal stuff with her, but when she mentioned she was interested in this classmate. My inner world crumbled like a cookie. As again, being the Mr Nice guy I am, I never really bad mouth that guy, cause I only met him for a night, and frankly speaking, I do not dislike/hate anyone at all to badmouth them.

Then......................



能令一个人伤得最深，伤的最痛，伤得最苦，往往是他爱得最深，爱得最切的人。。。




Nothing wrong with being honorable? But Penny didn't know I liked her then. So, I guess its my own grave I dug. As for Huiling. Well, 好人有好报这句话，在我身上是最明显的一句谎言。And then........and then.......

真情。是我这一生中最大的弱点。

对人付出的真情，最后换来的就是一句傻瓜。

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“我很普通，我没什么特别。我只是一个呆呆的傻瓜。我不会说甜言蜜语。我不太会弄你笑。我其实知道，我不能给你保证你要的。不能保证给你很舒服的生活。不能保证给你一个让人羡慕的人生。可是，我绝对可以向你保证的是：我，绝对是你生命中让你受伤最少的人。我，绝对不会做出伤害你的事。因为我，是个绝对不要看到你伤心难过的人。”

"I cannot promise you many things. But one thing I can promise you, always, that I will definitely be the one person in your life who will hurt you the least. That I will never ever do anything to hurt you. Because I never ever want to see you unhappy and sad." *Crosses my heart*


这句话，是我埋藏在心里了一段时间的一个不能说的秘密。

I cannot open the Pandora's Box.

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 Time is 5.15am. Insomnia. Yup. Again. But this time, I know.