尔若如水吾乃鱼，仿似予吾成周全。

岂料连续生磨擦，彼此缘线渐抹杀。

知己难求百世修，奈何已至却难留。

眼见此生愿难成，心死孤魂不欲生。

木星 于万念俱灰、伤心欲绝之下所题

What did I do wrong now??


Seriously, tell me if I said the wrong things at the wrong time or offended you.

Don't just leave me clueless about it all.




Driving me crazy and pushing me off the edge.

Had a very brief flashback while doing meditation on the bus just now.

Had a fright.

The flashback wasn't something good.


She hurt herself during work in the afternoon.



Thank goodness she's alright. Nothing happened to her at all.


Its times like this that meditation scares me because I cannot discern whether such flashbacks are messages from the Universal-conscious or just some images created from my subconscious due to worrying/sad/emotions.

Well, she's all right. That's the most important.

Tired, brain saturated and doomed

Blogging in changi airport terminal 3 now. Am so so so tired, brain dead. And doomed.

Eileen's having a bad day. =( hope she'll get out of it soon. Sigh. Wish there's something that can be done.........

What's the meaning of life? Looking at all the various walking all arouns in changi airport now. Do they know what's their meaning in life? How many people in the world has tried searching for their purpose, their meaning? has anyone ever wondered, why do they have to come into this world as so and so? To have who and who as their family members, or to meet who in their lives...?

Everyone, going through the same routine in life. Being borned, growing up. Schooling. Working. Start a family. Have kids. Grow old. Die.

What other meaning is there in our lives? Other than going through the same old robotic routine humankind has been going through for thousands of years. What? Why? How?

Wish there's something i can do to help, especially xxxxxx. As of now, I know I'm completely incompetant of even convincing her certain things, much less offer help.

Blah blah. Listen to me dribbling on. So boring dribble. Hope tonight will be better for Eileen bah.

I need a rest already. Sigh....

Yet more random-ness

Thoughts got triggered when this song starts playing.... ... ..

突然好想你你會在哪里
過的快樂或委屈
突然好想你突然鋒利的回憶
突然模糊的眼睛

Some unspoken thoughts, some memories deeply hidden... ...
and suddenly, this song comes to mind

你写给我我的第一首歌
你和我十指紧扣默写前奏
可是那然后呢
还好我有我这一首情歌
轻轻的轻轻哼着哭着笑着
我的天长地久

陪我唱歌清唱你的情歌
舍不得短短副歌心还热着
也该告一段落
还好我有我下一首情歌
生命宛如静静的相拥的河
永远天长地久

Well, I had this song for quite a while. In fact, when this album first came out, I gotten the friendly version of the whole album. Because I remember Penny likes Fish Leong's song quite a lot. But, ultimately, I never had the chance to tell her I've got it, much less able to send her. But, just a month ago, I heard this song for the first time. Eileen sang it at KTV. Went back home to find the album, but it was lost with my spoilt harddisk. =\

Should go to sleep liaos. Tomorrow is another long day. Trying to squeeze information into my dysfunctional brain. =\

Random-ness

Found this while blog hopping and decided to put this up in my blog too.

Insomnia is a kind of torture.
Because while the world is fast asleep,
you're up all alone,
your mind buzzing with every random thought in the universe.
And sometimes the thoughts will reach a standstill,
and your mind goes blank.
You become more aware of the silence.
And it is during this moment that you realised,
how alone you are.

Last night got this pretty weird dream. Actually should be this morning. But I'm not going to put it here, because it's a really ridiculous dream.

Eileen finish 4 campaigns of L4D2 already!! *angry* ROAR. Simi lousy. I just don't like to use my brains when playing games. Next time show her how good I can be! *mad*

Yesterday when talking with shifeng, he revealed that the stars and planetary position has shifted and the world is getting a rather bad vibes from the universe. So I'm not the only one with this feeling, though mine is pretty vague and uncertain. Really should do more meditation soon. =\ I sense that soon, I need to increase my spirituality to another level because some people around me is going to need.. .... .....

该如何是好？改变自己，变回以前那个傲视天下、惟我独尊、正气凛然的自己吗？

不过还是得超越那个自己。

还有。。。。。

That day, this quote suddenly came to my mind when I was thinking of some of the people around me in my life.

Don't marry someone whom you can live with. Marry someone whom you cannot live without.

想想也是。只不过许多人往往无法了解自己心中真正所需要的。被外界的种种色相及幻相迷惑。 也有可能，有的人已经找到，已经知道他不能没有的那个人，不过他却因种种理由而无法和那个人在一起。

I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I'm with you.

 这是在一个人的tweet里看到的。很多人相爱的理由都不同。我不敢苟同这个人所说的的这句话，不过从另一个立场来看，其实也没有错。爱情本无对错。情感一来，我们都无法阻止。

我呢？我喜欢或者爱一个人，到底是什么理由呢？

以前的我总是说“喜欢一个人不需要什么理由”。没错，喜欢就是喜欢。感情一到就是喜欢上那个人了，还会有什么理由？
如果有人问现在的我，我又会怎样回答呢？
也许还是同一句话吧。喜欢她就是喜欢她。还有什么理由可以讲的。

如果是那个人呢？那个让我对他感觉胜过爱情的人？是什么理由呢？
爱情总让人折磨所以才选择做比情人更好的朋友？这个是理由吗？是自我安慰？还是逃避？

真的是好美的歌词。明天以后。不论是华语或者粤语版的，这首歌的歌词写得太好了。

我对你感觉胜过爱情
因为有你给我勇气
给我用不完的运气
其实也想好好爱你
只怕到最后不小心让你伤心(我不怕会伤心)
对不起我对你再好再亲密都不能在一起
最后看你在别人怀里
有天我会找到我的唯一(我并不是你的唯一)
还微笑祝福你

爱情总让人折磨
所以我们才选择做比情人更好的朋友

Ok. End of my randomness for this week. The universe is giving me that vibe again. I hope, it wouldn't affect people important to me that much.

请你一定要保重。请你一定要坚强。请你一定要快乐过日子。请你..............
...................................
....................................

Now i'm on bus 72. On the way to airport.

This is the first time i'm typing a blog entry on my new phone. Yupz, i gotten a new phone. Nokia e71. Still trying to get used to the qwerty keys, but i'm loving this phone already ^^. Heh.

Oh, by the way, i'm using the quickoffice app in my phone to blog on a document first, then later transfer to blog. Haha, didn't subscribe to a data plan, so i can only use wifi to surf on my e71. =)

Just now on the bus, suddenly was thinking of something. And i wondered, again.


What if i had met her in a totally different way?? In a totally different environment, at different points of our lives, would things be different?? Or will it end up being the same as now??

I don't know. Perhaps i'll be able to find out when someone invented ways to travel to parallel worlds within my lifespan. I guess, it would comfort me, that in the countless universes, at least one of me will be able to be with her.



haha, foolish thinking again. I can hear Eileen chiding me in my head again........
Oh well, reaching tampines interchange. Shall end here.

Where is everybody?

I took all your advices, all of you. Each and everyone who cares/cared.

I opened up.

I become socially more active.

Then you all just leave me to my devices.


After getting injuries and limping back from the battle field...

seeking sanctuary from those whom I listened to. Whom I also cared for. Whom I trusted.


Yet, they are nowhere to be found.

What happened to Jupiter who used to be indifferent and fearless of all these shit that also happened to him in the past?

Why am I so concerned now?


Why, am I, so in need of company now?

Why?

Under-demeciated


Severely.

Everything I say and do is still wrong. Or rubs people the wrong way.

To hell with me.

A rainy morning; an emo mind

Suddenly, I feel the need to type, and logged into hardwarezone and type all these out somewhere.

Looks lousy. Couldn't bring out what I wanted to bring across totally.



情之一字，错综复杂。

曾几何时，天下间出现了人？曾几何时天下间出现了情？

人的感情之广，包含了对父母、兄弟姐妹、儿女及家庭的情。
包含了朋友之间，惜惜相惜的情。
包含了男女之间的情。
包含了。。。。。。。。

男女之间的情，竟然是人人最常挂在嘴边。最常被歌颂，著作，永远的神话般。 就像梁山伯与朱瑛台。就像Romeo&Juliet。

越是激情、越是伤心、越是悲惨的一段情。。。才会让人注意。才会让人瞩目。才会让人觉得这份爱真的是轰轰烈烈的。。。。。

男女之间的情。应该是天底下最让人费解的情感吧!

身边总是听到朋友们爱不到。不然就是以悲剧分离。有时我不禁会想到。“为什么爱一个人一定要跟她在一起。长相思守，白头到老，永浴爱河？”
为什么我们一旦爱上一个人，就自自然然地会想要一直在她身边？
为什么我们无法和心所爱的人在一起，就会无比的伤心欲绝、痛不欲生？

好多问题。不过却没有答案。

说什么"If you love her, you will let her go.” 或者什么 "真正的爱是无私的，只要你爱她，你会让她走的。而且还会祝福她"

有谁能够真的做到这样？
这些只是安慰自己的话，其实，有谁会真正懂得爱？如果真的有，那么他就不会说出这样的话了，因为这些话对于一个真正懂得爱的人是多余的。。。。

喜欢一个人，爱一个人。到底是甜蜜？还是痛苦？应该是甜蜜中隐藏着无比的痛苦吧!!

曾经在internet上看到这个问题。“如果给你选择，你会跟哪一位永远地度过一生？ 最爱你的人还是你最爱的人？”
我吗？请不要问我。因为我是一个只爱过人，却从来没有被女生爱的一个默默无闻的小子。

记得郑中基的一首歌有这么样的歌词，
“被爱是幸福，爱人是痛苦”

如果是你，你会怎么选？最爱你的人？你最爱的人？

如果让你找到一个你最爱的人，而且她又是最爱你的人，那么，你，能够保证永远的珍惜彼此，珍惜这份如此难得可贵的感情吗？  

.......................................................................


祝大家有情人终成眷属。就好像杨过和小龙女一样，无论什么挫折，无论时间过了多久。彼此之间的感情永恒不变 。。。。


************************************

想要把你忘记真的好难
思念的痛在我心里纠缠
朝朝暮暮的期盼永远没有答案
为何当初你选择一刀两断

听你说声爱我真的好难
曾经说过的话风吹云散
站在天秤的两端一样的为难
唯一的答案
爱一个人好难