梦

原本，少了灵魂的一部分，我已经不会再写了。毕竟我所有的文艺灵感都是从那里启发出来的。。。不过，没想到的是，原来我的心，竟然给了我那么一丁点的刺激。

也许就像金庸笔下的武侠小说人物；杨过一样吧。在等待小龙女那16年的漫长岁月，创出了<<黯然销魂掌>>。以心使身、身使肩、肩使臂。。。然而当杨过与小龙女重逢后，因心中的那生离之苦已荡然无存，杨过竟然无法使出自己所创的掌法。

相信这也是金庸先生曾经经历过的。然而我不像金庸先生一样，是个文坛上的奇才。但是。。。今天，我还是决定写了下来。因为，这些将成为我的记忆。哪怕是伤心的，苦闷的，它们还是我的一部分。。







Among all the 5 dreams, this is the 3rd one i've had which has the same theme. Me. the main character of the dream. Me, running around, all over the place, searching. Me, searching for her. But this time, i was running a lot lesser than usual. The dream priorer to this one, i was running in the vast vast sand dune. Running here and there. running beyond the abilities of humans, running as fast as a high speed vehicle on the expressway. Running, searching. For her.

This one has quite a bit of derivation from all the running and searching. Yeah, different. It was a gathering. Of which a close frend of mine who's currently in Boston, US, was also in the gathering. it rained. We looked for shelter. All of us ran to this huge shelter. And everyone started having their meals. I took my plate, laden them with food...and walked over to where my close frend sit. I put my plate on the table, then my frend asked, wat's wrong. He must have seen my face. Since a few yrs ago when i learnt to wear a mask to hide my emotions and feelings externally, but before that, i will be wearing my feelings and emotions on my face. So, i guess my face turned pretty ugly when he saw me. Then i turned and dashed off. Searching. Looking. Searching for someone. Someone whose presense i felt at the gathering. I ran. Ran and ran. endlessly. I din noe where i was going. I just noe that if i keep on running, i will find her.

I din find her. in the end. however, i reached a room. this room. with a computer. the computer, had an internet access. Something propelled me to use the computer. And. I found her. I found her presence. Her presence, in the form of a blog. through a link from some website(blog). i was elated. the last date of entry was yesterday(in accordance to the dream). she had stopped blogging so suddenly, with no priorer warning. with just the last post saying farewell. and she disappeared. just disappeared. but now she had been blogging again. i was really elated. in my excitement, i quickly closed the browser and left. but immediately, something bugs at my instinct, and i went back to the computer. i couldn't find her blog anymore. not even through the same link. i couldn't remember her new blog url. and the link which gotten me to her new blog directed me to another gal's blog. its not her blog anymore. i lost her again. she has managed to slipped out of my life again. again......




我醒了。我不敢相信，即使是梦，也无法让我找到她的踪影吗？这是梦啊! 我的梦! 连梦里我都不能如愿吗? 我不放弃。我继续睡，继续。。直到我能见到你为止。。。睡。。。



vampire. me and a companion found a vampire in this building. vampire. we were moving ard the building and we found it. lying dormant as its still daylight. we started to find out way out. out of the building. we walked...and walked...and...


我再次的醒了。不对，这不是我要的梦。我要延续找她的梦。因为我相信，只要我继续找下去，我一定会见到她的。。。。继续睡。。回到那个梦。。。


i'm back in the building...with my companion...walking our way out of the building. the day is getting shorter. the light is getting dimmer. the night is arriving. we started walking faster. and faster. then we reached the exit. the vampire shot out its hands at us, only to be caught between the bars of the gate. we heaved a sigh of relief....


我又醒了。不对啊! 我要延续的不是这个梦! 唉。

不早了。起床了。。。。。


梦醒了。可是，我另一个梦，我是会让那个梦持续下去的。。。

The Secret Diary of a Cat

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from shredding on the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant and cough it up on the carpeting.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair... must try this on their bed (again).

DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in
attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was ...Hmmm. Not working according to plan...

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth and the tiny bit of flesh under my claws.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.

But I can wait; it is only a matter of time....

一首诗

May you be cheerful and happy,
Enjoying the strands of silvery moonlight.
Onwards to a better tomorrow,
Wishing you'll be able to sleep tight tight.
On this cool and very serene night,
Eager to hit the soft warm bed.
Morning awaits as the darkness fades,
Over the horizon the sun provides our sight.

你只需要花一分钟注意到一个人； 一小时内变成朋友： 一天让你爱上他

阿拉伯传说中有两个朋友在沙漠中旅行，
在旅途中的某点他们吵架了，
一个还给了另外一个一记耳光。

被打的觉得受辱，一言不语，在沙子上写下：
"今天我的好朋友打了我一巴掌。"
他们继续往前走。直到到了沃野，他们就决定停下。
被打巴掌的那位差点淹死，幸好被朋友救起来了。
被救起后，他拿了一把小剑在石头上刻了：
"今天我的好朋友救了我一命。"


一旁好奇的朋友问道：
为什么我打了你以后，你要写在沙子上，
而现在要刻在石头上呢？


另个笑笑的回答说：
当被一个朋友伤害时，
要写在易忘的地方，
风会负责抹去它；
相反的如果被帮助，
我们要把它刻在心里的深处，那里任何风都不能抹灭它。


朋友的相处伤害往往是无心的，帮助却是真心的，
忘记那些无心的伤害；铭记那些对你真心帮助，
你会发现这世上你有很多真心的朋友...





朋友呀！当你看到这里，你感受到什么？
在日常生活中，就算最要好的朋友也会有磨擦，
我们也许会因这些磨擦而分开。
但每当夜阑人静时，我们望向星空，总会看到过去的美好回忆。
不知为何，一些锁碎的回忆，却为我寂寞的心灵带来无限的震撼！
就是这感觉，令我更明白你对我的重要！
在此，我希望你能更珍惜你的朋友。





俗语说:
你只需要花一分钟注意到一个人； 一小时内变成朋友： 一天让你爱上他； 一但真心爱上. . . 你却需要花上一生的时间将他遗忘， 直至喝下那孟婆汤...

Death

am i selfish?? eccentric till the extend that i'm crazy?? or am i just simply fooling ard in this world??



when u die..u'll be thinking of all the stuff that happened to u...

but i think when i die..i'll be thinking of all my regrets......



is it a blessing?? or is it a misfortune?? that i always only likes someone but the feelings are never reciprocated....

nonetheless...it will always be my regret that i will be gone from this world even without having to experience...how its like to have a gf.....
how its like to be dating a gal...
how it feels to be holding her hands..
how it feels to kiss ur gf
how it feels to hug her tightly in ur arms
and the feeling that my feelings are also reciprocated...that she also cares for u and is sharing her life with u just like how i care for her and shares my life with her....

but come to think of it..

when i noe i'm dying
or when i've got some incurable disease or sickness
or i just got into an accident, in a coma and may anytime just breath my last breathe......

lying on the hospital bed...

the very person i care for...my gf or wife...

will be silently weeping over me..grief-stricken over my condition.........


will i want to see that??

for one...
i dun wish her to be unhappy, to be filled with grief......to face one of the toughest fact one has to encounter in his/her lifetime....to face the death of someone in ur life, someone whom u love and care abt..

but on the other hand...
i really hope to have her on my deathbed/bedside...crying....
while i whisper to her how much i enjoy my life with her...how much every memories of us are forever etched into my mind.....how she made me feel that my very existance in this world is without naught...how much i would wish to live on and fulfill my promise to her that we will live together till the end of our days...that i will never ever regret meeting her this life...how much i would want to be with her for the next lifetime, and the next, and the next until the end of time...
while wiping off the tears from the corners of her eyes......thanking her for everything she brought to my life...


sounds like some soap opera or some dumb scene from a shitty mediacorp script...


but the fact remains...the threat of death in ur life is so very real

and no one will noe when death will arrive at their doorstep

some are lucky, they live to a ripe old age(or well past their prime age) and died peacefully, in their sleep
some, passed on with illness, disease or injuries...fighting pain and physical torture as well as mental battle with their conditions..
some just died within the flash of a second...due to accident, natural disasters etc.
and more ways of death..too much to be listed.....


i think the most pitiful will be those who gotten incurable disease or sickness...and that they'll be knowing of their incoming death in the near future...
the thought of losing ur life. the hopeless-ness. the wait for the day of death...the long awaiting wait...the process is dreadful...painful...

its tougher...to fight these alone......compared to those who's having ppl by their side fighting with them...


will i have someone by my side?? to fight with me? to give me the courage to face death? to stay with me until the very end?
but if i do have...will i be willing to let her noe? to make her spend her time with me by my bedside? to have her cry and grief over the person whom she cares whereas all her other frends are happily spending their lives with their other half?

i'm very confused. torn.

but maybe i dun have to think so much. becoz now, she dunno anything about me now. i've withdrawn myself and reduced contacts with a lot of ppl.
AND...i'm just a nobody to her.

A nobody, who will pass on from this world. a nobody who was just a shadow of a footprint in her life..a nobody, who likes her for who she is, who really wishes to share his life with her, who really wished to be the man of her life.

A nobody.

Me.