Ghosts of Christmas Past........

你总是漠视我的感情 漠视我的心

你总是逃避我的眼睛 逃避我眼里的情

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Had been contemplating whether I would pen down what has been happening for the past 3 weeks. I know there are some things I would never want to forget, nor there are also some memories which I know will definitely fade away in time to come. Yet there's lots of things I do not wish to be known, only to have them kept shut tightly deep within my soul. I guess I shall just briefly pen them down, lest the memories failed to stay in my damaged brain cells.


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可是我却深深着迷 沉醉于你的一眼一举

无法平息 怎能不想你

不能自拔 我对你一片痴心

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Bought Eileen a Christmas present and gave it to her in advance. Whopping expensive present, the most expensive I ever given till this point of my life. Thought I had broken my record last year, but this year was unexpected. Never even gave Penny, or Sijie, or Huiling, or any of the girls I ever liked had received a present/gift that costs more than $50 (oh ok, Penny's does exceed $50, but that amount was inclusive of a card and a nicely wrapped red rose). Sounds crazy. hahaha. Oh well, at least she loves it. That's the most important. She's been deserving good things in life after all the things she's gone through, if money can buy happiness, then no matter how much it is, I will be gladly to exchange any amount of money for the happiness I can bring for a person. She really does deserve it, and hey, its just a few of weeks of starving less spending and no social life for me. What more can I ask for? People always say Happiness can never bought, but I bought it. I really did. For Eileen, that amount of money is nothing. Because I just gave someone important to me a very meaningful and priceless gift I can give. Happiness.


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我的心里 只容得下你

我的梦里 没有别的倩影

对你的情 没有谁能够代替

一心爱你 永不退色的深情

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Met more people and gone out with them more often that I had been last year. Mostly from hwz. You would be surprised, there's still very nice people you can meet in hwz. Am grateful, because I wouldn't think I will be so easily accepted by people around. But I guess nice-ness does pay off, at the very least people wouldn't mind to be around with me. Even though that means I will never ever find a gf or be with the person I really cannot live without (encrypted sentence). At least sometimes I do have friends I can talk with and go out with. And thought of me sometimes too. A dangerous, but warming feeling.

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你总是漠视我的感情 漠视我的心

你总是逃避我的眼睛 逃避我眼里的情

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These three weeks seems to be quite a very long time for me. Its so weird that our perception of time does get distorted despite having the same rate of change of the flow of time. But slow is not enough. There's so many times where I wish time could stop. I'm sure everyone else also experience the same thing as I do. Just wishing for time to stop, because that moment is the moment that you wish will never ever be gone, that moment shall be etched into the prints of time, that moment shall never perish, that moment will stay forever..................

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可是我却深深着迷 沉醉于你的一眼一举

别再否定 你已经有心

你的眼里 已流露对我的情

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Be I have to be realistic. I know I'm a hopeless romantic, but I've been hit far too much and too hard by reality to continue to dream. This is a harsh world, no extra room for romances and dreams. Its not like the movies, its not like the shows. It's not even like the love novels where everyone finds their perfect love and lives happily ever after. Reality does not work this way. Reality never works this way. Reality always works the opposite way you wish things will turn out to be.

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我的心里 只容得下你

我的梦里 没有别的倩影

对你的情 没有谁能够代替

一心爱你 永不退色的深情

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既然已经决定了，怎么我还是如此执着？我此生修行，除了成佛，除了渡众生。当年已经决定了，只要是我曾经喜欢过的女孩子，我一定会以我修行的力量去度他们生天、不让他们坠落到地狱、饿鬼、畜生道。我真的不忍心。现在，我为了她而决定此生修行成就。即使她的因果牵缠有多厉害、尽管她的业障有多么的深重、就算我需要把我所有修行功德交换让她以后能够上天而我代替她入地狱，我已经决定了。为什么呢???!!! 为什么!!!!!!!????? 我满腹的佛法! 我所学到的密法及法术如此不凡，现在却根本无法帮助她。如此的无力感、如此的无助!!! 如果对我重要的人都无法救的话，我还活着有什么用???? 虽然她的生活已经渐渐转好，却时好时坏(不过我亦明白此是因果关系，改变不了)，可是为什么我心中仍然隐隐约约感到不安???

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Just now had been listening to this song. It was sung by Chen Hai Wei, song titled 深情. One of the sub-theme songs for the TCS drama serial, where he acted as the famous teacher 方老师. really a nice song..

Guess I should sleep. Tomorrow is a long day. And I've some negotiations I need to do with the higher powers up there.So I end up never penning down everything. Just as well. Let them all be locked away deep within the soul.............................................

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没有星星的夜里

我用泪光吸引你

既然爱你不能言语

只能微笑哭泣

让我从此忘了你